Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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