When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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