this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
