The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
