So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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