So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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