the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
