So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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