i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
