3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Randomize
