Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
