Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
