he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
