My liver just broke up with me...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
