dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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