I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
