You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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