I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
