When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
