I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
