just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize