The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
