Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
