oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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