never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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