The maid of honor just puked.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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