Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
