i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What drink are we having for lunch?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
