All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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