i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
