I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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