just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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