I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
