Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
