I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize