I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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