if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
