before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I currently don't understand fingers.
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