Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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