addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
