sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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