Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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