I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize