when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
