Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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