I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
