the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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