dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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