You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
