I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
