if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am one with the molecules
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
