drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
