Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
