Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
