dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
