Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
