so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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