I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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