is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
