Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
