Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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