Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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