I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
