Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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