I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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