Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
