i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
