he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
