I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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