Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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