sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
