I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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