you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
